Waddles can Talk?
by Dolphinflavoredicecream
Summary: Ever wonder what would happen if Waddles could talk...? WARNING: Story escalates into something less cute than the title suggests. I'll give you a hint: It starts with B and ends with ILL. As in ILL in the head. 9/24/14: CHAPTER 5
1. Chapter 1

**Gravity Falls: Waddles Can Talk!**

"Hey Mabel." Dipper entered the door to the Mystery Shack and dropped his backpack on the floor.

Mabel was mindlessly eating popcorn with her left hand and petting her pet pig Waddles with her right. She didn't care to look away from the TV, and replied almost subconsciously, "Hey Dipper."

Dipper sat down on the floor next to Mabel and sighed of exhaustion. He looked at Waddles for a second, and got a humorous look, "That pig never leaves your side, does he?"

"Nope." Mabel replied, half-minded again.

A moment of awkward silence passed as Dipper tried to figure out why Mabel was so invested in the TV. He continued, "Grunkle Stan is making me do these stupid chores _all_ day and it's getting really exhausting. I feel like whenever I sit down I'm gonna hear Stan's voice shout, 'come clean the outhouse!' or something. It's a nightmare." Dipper explained. He looked at Mabel, who wasn't responding. Whatever she was watching she was obviously really invested in it.

"I don't know why I tell you things." Dipper said.

"Nope." Mabel said, almost as if she knew she was irritating Dipper.

"Welp, I'm gonna go get a drink." Dipper stood up and walked into the kitchen to get some water.

After a brief moment of silence, Waddles lazily jumped off Mabel's lap. He curiously waddled towards Dipper's backpack, while sniffing as if he'd picked up a scent. He perused the bag, and struggled to pull out a mysterious glowing red vile. With the glass tube in his mouth, he oinked a few times to get Mabel's attention, so that she could see what he got. She didn't look away; she kept staring at the TV. A little frustrated, Waddles walked in front of the TV, and lucky for him, the TV was close to the ground so he could actually block her view. "What is it Waddles…" Mabel said, going through the motions of an average pig's average crisis.

Waddles now mad at her owner because she wouldn't pay attention to him, was oinking really loudly, as if in distress. Mabel sighed and dropped her head in submission, before finally getting out of the recliner.

She loped over to Waddles and spoke happily, "Whatchya got there? Huh, piggy? Huh?" She picked him up off the ground and held him up high. The pig was happy again, and so was Mabel. Suddenly, Waddles accidentally dropped the red vial when he opened his mouth to try to lick Mabel. It broke on the floor and made a loud breaking sound.

"WAH!" Mabel let Waddles down on the floor, and he immediately ran off. "DIPPER!?" Mabel shouted to Dipper.

"Gah! What!?" Dipper walked out of the door a few feet away from Mabel, "I'm right here! _You don't have to yell._"

"Oh, well do you know where the vacuum is?" Mabel asked, "Waddles and I kinda just broke something…"

Dipper sighed, "I'll go get it…" and he walked out of the room.

Waddles came back, and curiously started sniffing the red liquid that spilled over the floor. Soon after, he started rubbing his face in it, trying to drink it all up. Before Mabel could stop him, Waddles got rid of almost all the liquid. Mabel called out to Dipper, "HEY DIPPER!?"

"Again with the yelling!" Dipper came out of the kitchen with a vacuum, "I didn't go anywhere!"

"Uh, what was that red vile thing you had in your backpack?" Mabel worriedly asked.

Dipper replied unknowingly, _"Red vile thing_… what? What red vile thing?"

"Umm…" Mabel pointed to the mess on the floor. "That?"

Dipper looked at it fearfully, "I don't remember putting that in my bag…"

Waddles looked at Mabel and tilted his head sideways, and _said_, "I know I didn't."

While Dipper didn't move or speak because he was paralyzed with fear, Mabel didn't move or speak because she was paralyzed with excitement. Waddles voice was raspy and just slightly high-pitched.

Waddles said again, with innocence, "Why are you guys looking at me like that?"

Dipper looked at Mabel, who had a growing smile.

"Um, Mabel?" Dipper said, "I- uh- I think Waddles might've drank some of Old Man McGuckit's… voice serum…"

Mabel's smile grew wider, and she took a deep breath like she was about to scream at the top of her lungs. "OH MY GOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOSH! WADDLES YOU CAN TALK!?" Mabel rushed to her pig and hugged him, "OHMIGODOHMIGODOHMIGOD! I HAVE SO MANY QUESTIONS!"

"Mabel you're hurting me!" Waddles said as he was being strangled by Mabel's hug.

"HOLY CRAP YOU TALKED!" Mabel hugged him harder, and finally put him down.

The tween stared into her pet pigs eyes with true amazement. Awkward silence filled the room.

"…I'm gonna go now…" Dipper slowly backed away from Mabel, and out the door.

Now alone with her pig, Mabel began joyfully unrelenting her questions, "What's your favorite color?"

"Magenta."

"Why do you eat slop?"

"I like the taste."

"Why do you eat like a pig?"

"Because I _am_ a pig."

Getting more excited, "Who's your favorite actor?"

"Kristen Schaal."

"OH MY GOD!" Mabel said in overwhelming excitement. "This is AMAZING!"

A low raspy voice could be heard from the door, "Why is my hearing aid picking up so much teen excitement?"

Mabel saw Grunkle Stan walk in, "GRUNKLE STAN!" Mabel stood up and rushed over to him.

"Oh." Stan realized exactly what was making all the noise and he felt stupid for not realizing it earlier.

"Stan! Stan! Waddles can talk!" Mabel was tugging on Stan's suit sleeve and pointing at the extremely confused pig.

Waddles was getting slightly annoyed, "Mabel, could you please stop? You're embarrassing me."

"AH!" Stan leaped back at the talking pig. "How is he doing that! And why does he sound like an old-timey braodway singer?"

"I- uh- I don't know! A weird red vile thing fell on the floor and broke, Waddles drank it and now he can TALK! ISN'T THAT AWESOME?" Mabel was speaking at the top of her lungs.

"Geez, kid, I'm standin' right here! _Don't need to yell._"

"Well what should we do?" Grunkle Stan asked.

Mabel thought about it for a moment… and said almost maniacally "We can do anything we want to now…"

* * *

So what you guys think should i continue?


	2. Chapter 2

Waddles Can Talk! Chapter 2

Since the first day Mabel found out Waddles could talk, they've been doing everything together. It's like they've met each other for the first time, _again. _They've had so much fun, in fact, I'm going to insert a sappy montage here!

**INSERT SAPPY MONTAGE HERE**

_Since I can't animate a full montage, :p, I'll just describe it, and you can imagine one in your head :3_

Mabel and Waddles endeavored in tons of public events, as well as personal events. For example, they went to the fair, got cotton candy, went to the photo booth, rode the ferris wheel, and talked about current affairs. Waddles was stunningly intellectual to Mabel; she had no idea he was so smart. Participating in so many of these activities made Mabel the happiest girl on Earth. However, Dipper hasn't been faring the same way…

Dipper lied in his bed looking at the ceiling. He had nothing to do; Mabel was gone, the TV was occupied, and… well that's about the only thing Dipper could do in his spare time.

"Grunkle Staaaan!?" Dipper shouted to him from upstairs.

"Whaddya want!?" Stan asked back. (Stan was the one occupying the TV)

"I'm booored!" Dipper whined.

"Uh- don't you have like- I dunno friends? That you hang out with when you're not solving the latest conspiracy theory?" Stan wondered.

"Uh… what!?"

"Never mind- uh- maybe you could go spend time with Mabel!? She'll put up with you, right!?" Stan suggested.

"She won't let me! I asked and she said that this was very important "bonding time" with Waddles."

"Oh right… talking pig… Well sorry, but- uh… I don't know what to tell ya, kid! Looks like you'll just have to spend the rest of your natural life staring at the ceiling!"

Dipper sighed and curled into the fetal position.

**BACK TO MABEL'S FUN TIMES.**

"Oh my gooossh! That was so fun! Wanna do it again?!" Mabel was still energized even though they had just ran through the mirror maze eight times.

"No," Waddles replied panting like crazy, "I can't… take… much more of this…"

"Whaaaat?" Mabel looked disappointed. After thinking about it for a moment, she reconsidered, "Okay, let's just take a short break." Mabel sat down and leaned against a nearby wall, and Waddles did the same.

"Mabel?" Waddles asked, calming down from the previous energy output.

"Yes Waddles?"

"I don't like it when you dress me up."

Mabel gasped in remorse. "Oh my _gosh!_ I'm so _sorry_" Mabel said, while petting the pig to show her sympathy.

"It's okay, it's just… a little demeaning, you know…?" Waddles looked at Mabel innocently.

"I promise I won't dress you up ever again." Mabel said, with a giant grin on her face.

"Thanks, Mabel. Thanks." Waddles rested his head on Mabel's lap.

"While we're here, how did you learn English?" Mabel asked.

"You speak it all the time. I picked up on it pretty easily. Of course back then I just couldn't talk."

"Hm… Do you have any specific people you hate? Like… Dipper? Or Soos?" Mabel inquired.

"Dipper's cool, he's just kinda awkward. Right? Don't you think so? I think so. Soos is… okay…? He's weird, but just like… he's just weird. Weird in a cool way."

"You don't like Pacifica, do you?" Mabel asked.

"OH no way. She's totally the worst, like, W, O, R, S, T."

Mabel looked up at the burning sun. It was close to nearing dusk, and they've spent almost three hours out of the house. Just then, thunder cracked the sky, and rain started sprinkling.

"OKAY, we're leaving." Mabel picked up Waddles and started for the Mystery Shack. Pretty soon it was pooring rain and Mabel's sweater was getting heavy. But thankfully they made it back before Waddles got agitated.

"Hello everbody!" Mabel said cheerfully.

"…Hi." Dipper said gloomily, still in his bed upstairs.

"Hi!" Waddles shouted.

"… Hi…" Dipper spoke again. Mabel took off her wet sweater and took it to her room along with Waddles.

"Gee, Dipper. How long have you been staring at that ceiling?" Waddles asked concernedly.

"Forever." Dipper didn't look away from the ceiling. "Mabel?" Dipper asked.

"Yeah?"

"I'm bored." Dipper said.

"Hm… maybe later we could play a game?" Mabel suggested, as she unpacked her various carnival souvenirs.

Waddles jumped in,"How about charades!? I've always wanted to play charades! Whaddya say Mabel. Charades?"

"Sure! Hear that Dipper? We're playin' charades soon, and it's gonna get SERIOUS."

"…Cool…" Dipper turned towards the wall and away from Mabel.

"Hmmm…" Mabel was skeptical…

_** Charades.**_

About 30 minutes had past and it was raining pretty hard outside. The clock read 8:23, which meant they had plenty of time for shenanigans. Mabel had invited over Soos and Wendy in the time that had passed, and when they were told Waddled could talk, they weren't as excited as Mabel though they would be.

The door opened and closed as Wendy entered and took off her raincoat.

"Hey Wendy!" Mabel shouted. She came running down the stairs to greet her.

"Hey dorks!" Wendy replied. "Hey where's Dipper?"

"Oh he's just feelin a little down in the dumps… for… some reason- anyway!" Mabel led Wendy to the living room, where Grunkle Stan and Waddles were sitting lazily.

"Is Soos coming?" Waddles directed his attention to Mabel, then to Wendy, "Hi Wendy."

"Hey." Wendy said this like it was nothing.

Suddenly the door burst open and slammed shut again. A panting voice was heard from the entryway,

"Oh… dudes… you would not believe… how fast I ran here…"

"Soos!" Mabel walked and greeted him.

"Hey dude!" Soos stopped for a moment, "Where's Dipper?"

Wendy chimed in, "He's feelin' 'down in the dumps' apparently."

Soos got a profound, curious look, _"That's not characteristic of him…"_

"Don't worry he said he would come once everybody was here." Mabel explained. She walked to the stairs, and shouted up them, "Dipper!"

A faint, annoyed voice was resonated, _"I'm comin' I'm comin'…" _

Mabel looked at the group and smiled widely as Dipper came slowly stomping down the stairs.

"Hey, Soos." Dipper began walking over to the couch, "…Hey Wendy…" Dipper sat down and rubbed his eyes.

The entire room stared at him. "What?" Dipper asked.

Grunkle Stan commented to himself, "Well that was unbearably awkward."

"Okay! Let's get started!

**Stan's turn:**

"Hmm…" Stan thought of what to do. "Aha!" He snapped his fingers

"Start the clock!" Mabel pushed a button on a digital timer.

Stan began running around in circles frantically with a look of fear, and as expected, people started throwing their guesses around.

"DOG!" Mabel shouted,

Stan shook his head, and continued running around.

"SOMEBODY RUNNING AWAY FROM A DOG!" Mabel shouted.

"A DOG RUNNING AWAY FROM A DOG!" Mabel shouted again.

Stan shook his head again. He stopped running in circles, and prepared for his next hint. (after snapping out of his dizziness.) He took off his hat and started patting his hair, and rubbing it back and forth.

Soos shouted, "Is it Gideon?"

"NO! IT'S A SHARK! GAH YOU PEOPLE HAVE NO COMMON SENSE!" Grunkle Stan put his hat back on and walked back to his seat. Everyone was completely lost. No less, they continued.

**Wendy's turn:**

"START THE CLOCK!" Mabel threw a pebble at the timer and it started.

"I got this." Wendy stood up and got in front of the crowd. She started shredding on an air guitar.

"Uh… Robby!" Dipper shouted.

"Yeah!" Wendy walked up to Dipper and she went for the hi-five. Dipper stuttered a bit and hi-fived her back.

**Soos's turn:**

"…" Mabel looked at everyone. "START. THE. CLOOOOOCK!" Mabel slammed the timer and it started counting down.

Soos snapped his fingers, "I got it!"

He started smashing fake buildings with his foot and pretending to breath fire. He actually did it very well.

"Dragon. Too easy." Stan said.

Soos replied, "You got it, Stan!"

**Mabel's turn:**

Mabel stood in front of everyone, and pointed to Waddles. "START THE CLOOOOOOOCKK!"

Waddles lightly tapped the button and the timer flicked on.

Mabel got on all fours and snorted like a pig.

Waddles shouted, "Me! Mememememe!"

"Righto!" Mabel congradulated him.

**Waddles' turn:**

"Hey Mabel can I use a picture for this one?" Waddles asked.

"Uh- sure!" A brief moment silence, followed by a scream, "START THE CLOCK!" Mabel smashed the clock again, and dented it. It started up nevertheless.

Waddles grabbed a pencil and started drawing a _really_ detailed picture of some foreign object.

"Uh… is it a picture of me?" Mabel asked.

"Nope." Waddles scribbled up the finishing touches, and presented the group of a crazy blueprint to a weird contraption.

They all looked at it with incomprehensive faces. "Ummm…" Grunkle Stan muttered, "I gotta take a leak…" Grunkle Stan stood up and walked out of the room.

"Do you give up? It's a-" His voice suddenly cut off, and he let out an oink.

"What is it? An oink?" Mabel asked.

Waddles looked at the group, and let go of the picture as it fell to the ground. The pig started oinking again regularly.

Mabel took a moment to process what had just happened, as well as everyone else.

"Oooh…" Dipper said, realizing the problem. "The voice serum only works 'till sundown…"

Mabel gasped melodramatically, and slowly calmed down, "Well, I guess I shoulda seen this coming… Can't last forever right?" Mabel looked down in sadness.

Soos inquired, "Doesn't Old Man Mcguckit make permanent voice thingys? I bet you could just get one from him dude!"

"OH YEAH!" Mabel shouted.

Dipper suddenly felt a painful sadness in his heart. He felt compelled to speak immediately, "NO!"

The room looked at him again. He started getting nervous, and laughing a little to cover it up.

"Whyy doon't wee just… Keep Waddles like he is now…?" Dipper suggests, "You know, it wouldn't be-" He clears his throat, "Wouldn't be… right to give a pig a human voice. Right guys?"

"Um, Dipper why are you acting so weird…?" Mabel asked.

The tension rose, as Dipper tried to come up with the words to describe his feelings.

"Uh- Hehe- I… UMM…" Suddenly time stopped and the room turned grey. Everyone's attention was turned towards the TV, where a single eye appeared and a taunting voice was heard. Bill Cipher phased out of the television as the group stared in complete confusion and fear.

Bill spoke, "Hey guys! Dipper's right, you shouldn't give Waddles a voice!"

"What are _you_ doing here!" Mabel pointed at him in disgust.

"Hey, toots! Just droppin' in to say that _Waddles, knows more than you think._" Bill picked up the sketch Waddles drew on the floor and burned it. "And it would be_ a shame," _he ignited his fist, and used his demonic voice, _"If his secrets got out."_

* * *

_Sorry if I overdid the "Simplicity of this idea" and turned into something you didn't like. I feel like I might gotten a little too serious..._

_But if you liked it that's cool!_ :3


	3. Chapter 3

Waddles Can Talk! Chapter 3

_***I'm getting more comfortable with these characters so I feel like there was good dialogue, although some parts dragged on in my opinion. Also, any time the story changes setting, (place), I'll use big bold letters to indicate it.  
Also, as far as series continuity goes, this story takes place in an alternate storyline, where Gideon did NOT use dynamite to destroy the safe to get the deed to the Mystery Shack in the episode "Dreamscaperers", and instead was defeated by Dip and Mabel. So this is like an alternative "Gideon Rises," if you will. (ALSO MY NOTES WILL ALWAYS BEGIN WITH A * AND END WITH A *)  
:3***_

Bill continued his monologue, "Ya see, ladies and gentlemen," Bill stared contemptuously at the people in the room, _"And Soos…"_

Soos got confused. He raised his finger, about to speak, and Bill nonchalantly interrupted, "I'm afraid that letting Waddles talk would be an _utter tragedy_. Not only for me, but for you all as well…"

Mabel incredulously asked "…Why?"

"Because if you did…" Bill spoke with intimidation, "I would have to resort to… _drastic measures._"

"PFFT! HA!" Mabel laughed and slapped her knee, "What are _you _gonna do?"

"Hehe, yeah!" Dipper playfully joined in, "turn us into _triangles!?" _Dipper and Mabel hi-fived as they laughed in Bill Cipher's face.

Bill grew red, got in Dipper and Mabel's faces, and spoke in his demonic voice "DON'T UNDERESTIMATE ME!" He began backing away towards the window, "IF _ANYONE_ LETS THE PIG TALK, DON'T SAY I DIDN'T WARN YOU." He flew away into the night, as Dipper, Mabel, Soos, and Wendy were left with awkward silence.

Immediately after, they all woke up and screamed in fear. When they recovered from the situation, Grunkle Stan came stomping down the stairs and into the living room where they were sitting.

"Geesh! What happened?" Stan asked.

He was answered with silence. The people in the room just exchanged looks and didn't respond.

Stan hypothesized, "Did- did Waddles win while I was gone? Is- is that what happened?"

"Um…" Mabel thought of what to say, "Yeah." Everyone else caught on and agreed with Mabel "Let's go with yeah."

**THE NEXT DAY:**

"Then what _do_ you think we should do? Huh? If you have something better than my plan I would love to hear it!" Dipper was lecturing Mabel, Wendy, and Soos in the gift shop. They all thought to speak up, but when nothing came to their mind, they dropped their heads in reluctance.

"Good, then." Dipper said, finding his usual happy tone again, "So we find Old Man McGuckit, ask for his voice serum, give it to Waddles, and ask him what he knows."

"But what if that Bill dude catches us?" Soos questioned. "Didn't he say he would resort to… drastic measures…?"

"If Bill catches us…" Dipper began, "Be prepared for anything."

"Dipper, is this really worth it?" Mabel asked, now with a stern look "I mean- I don't know Bill that well, but he looks like the kind of person that when he says something, he means it."

Dipper hesitates to answer, and begins, "I guess…" His expression is frank, "we won't know it's worth it until we actually do it."

Mabel says, "Okay. I'm with you then."

Soos puts his hand in towards the center of the group, "_Go us_ on three, ready dudes?"

Mabel, Dipper, and Wendy put their hands in for the cheer.

"1! 2! 3! GO US!"

The annoyed tourists in the gift shop shouted "SHUT UP!"

Mabel said, "Oops! Forgot they were there." Mabel slapped her forehead "_Doi…_"

**Old Man McGuckit's Junkyard.**

"So… this guy's crazy, right?" Wendy asked.

"Um, pretty much." Mabel explained. "He invented a giant sea monster robot just to get attention from his son, and he says random things at random times, like 'Donkey Shpittle'... so… yeah."

Wendy shrugged, "Okay."

Dipper held up his hand to signify a "stop" as the group approached the junkyard.

"Okay, guys." He explained, "When we get in there remember we have to be persuasive. This old man changes his mind in the blink of an eye so make sure you…"

Dipper continued his mission briefing as Old Man McGuckit sat quietly behind him, with a happy face, not making a sound.

"Alright. We got it?" Dipper nodded his head to instigate an understanding toward the group, who was awkwardly staring at the man behind him.

Dipper got frustrated, "Guys! We have to focus!" He started using wild hand gestures, and the old man mimicked him. "One little slip-up could cost us the entire operation! Do you understand?!"

Mabel giggled.

"What's so funny!?" Dipper said, trying as hard as he could to whisper.

"Hehe," Mabel pointed behind him, and spoke playfully, "Turn around…"

Dipper turned and saw the tall-ish figure silhouetted by the sun, and the old man shouted in Dipper's face, "HOWDY FRIEND!"

"AHHH!" Dipper fell back on his rear as the group laughed. His cheeks got red and he slowly stood up, rubbing his thigh. He pulled his hat down in embarrassment.

The old man continued, "I COULDN'T HELP BUT OVER HEAR YOU WANTIN' SOME O' MAH FANGLED VOICE SERUMS!"

"Uh… yeah… we do." Dipper spoke shyly.

"WELL I GOT ONE RIGHT HERE. UNDER MY HAT. MY HAT THAT DEFINITELY HAS A PERMANENT VOICE SERUM INSIDE IT FOR NO APPARENT REASON!" The old man took off his hat and revealed the vial barely balancing on his head. It immediately started to fall to the side.

Dipper leaped for the vial to snatch it off of his head, but he only made matters worse, for he accidentally pushed it off. It began to fall to the ground, as Dipper did the same.

"NOOOOOOOO!" Dipper shouted.

Although the group dreadfully waited for the sound of the glass vial breaking, it did not happen. Instead, a familiar voice was heard.

"HAHA! I GOT IT!" It was Gideon. He had a maniacal look on his face, "Finally! Once My gerbil, cheekums, drinks this, his knowledge will be revealed and I will know the SECRETS OF GRAVITY FALLS!" He ran off into the distance, laughing madly as he went.

The group stood still, and their jaws were dropped. Mabel spoke,

"Should we be _worried _about thaat…?"

The Old Man looked at the others, and said plainly, "OH! THAT'S A SHAMEFUL COINCIDENCE! DON'T WORRY THOUGH, I GOT ANOTHER ONE! SOMEHOW!" The Old Man pulled another glass vial out of his pocket, and the group simultaneously let out a big sigh of relief.

"Wow." Soos interjected, "That was an emotional _rollercoaster!_"

"WELP, HERE YOU GO!" The old man screamed.

"…Thanks." Dipper awkwardly looked at McGuckit, who was staring blankly into the sky. The crew started to walk away when the old man shouted again,

"I'M NOT CURIOUS AT ALLLLL!"

"Right…!" Dipper frantically signaled the group to start running away.

**A SAFE DISTANCE AWAY FROM OLD MAN MCGUCKIT:**

"Okay. Is everyone ready?" Dipper asked.

They all said variations of "Heck yeah," and "YES."

"Okay. Mabel," Dipper pointed to her, "do you have Waddles?"

"Yup!" Mabel picked him up and showed his chubby face to the group. "He's been with me this whole time!"

"Okay! Um… are you _sure _you're ready." Dipper asked just to make sure.

"YES!" They exclaimed, somewhat annoyed.

"Okay! Right! Umm…" Dipper cautiously opened the vial as he surveyed the group's expressions. He was surprised and scared when none of their expressions were fearful whatsoever. Now starting to sweat just slightly, as well as being worried and somewhat embarrassed to be the only one afraid, he slowly brought his hand to the pig's mouth.

The pig chugged the vial until it was empty. There was nothing but anxiety on everyone's faces, as they waited for the pig to talk. Finally, Waddles spoke,

"WOW! That tasted really good."

Everyone rejoiced, jumping up and down, and clapping.

Waddles was innocently puzzled, "What? I'm confused."

"Okay okay calm down everyone." Dipper was serious, "It's not over yet." He kneeled down to ensure they were both eye level, and politely asked, "Waddles, when we were playing charades last night…" Dipper looked at the other's faces; they were filled with worry and fret. He continued,

"What did you draw a picture of…?"

Waddles looked at everyone's face, "Umm… it was a _blueprint, _first of all, and what it was a blueprint _of… wass… hmm…" _Waddles raised his right hoof and pointed at Dipper in realization, "OH YEAH! IT WAS A-"

Without warning, time stopped, and the landscape turned grey. A screaming voice could be heard from far away, slowly coming closer, and getting louder. As the noise became more apparent, it was clear that it was saying,

"WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA**AIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIITTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTT**!"

Soon, Bill Cipher came out of a wall close by, and dived directly into Waddles. The others looked at each other with completely lost expressions. Shortly after that, the landscape turned back to full color, and Waddles got knocked into a wall from the force Bill exerted.

Mabel immediately rushed over to the pig and asked if he was okay. After a brief moment of silence, you could hear Waddles mumble something.

"What? What'd you say Waddles?" Mabel leaned in closer.

The pig mumbled again louder.

"Wait…"

Waddles mumbled one more time, as he struggled to stand up.

"Are you saying…"

The pig leaped up to its full posture, unscathed. He opened up his eyes to reveal thin vertical pupils, and he shouted in Bill Cipher's cocky voice,

"IT'S ME!"

Mabel gasped as well as the others. Bill had just taken over Waddles' body, and it was clearer than day. What would _he_ do in Waddles' body? How could he do _anything?_ He must have a reason… and whatever it is, it isn't a good one.

***Power couple name: Biddles. (Or Baddles, or Wabill.)  
:3***


	4. Chapter 4: Filler

Waddles can Talk? Filler chapter:

So what did Gideon do with that voice thing…?

"OUT!" Gideon burst through the door of his home and shouted at his parents. They immediately stopped what they were doing and walked away. Gideon went into his room, and slammed the door.

"FINALLY! Soon I will know the SECRETS OF THE UNIVERSE!" Gideon picked up his gerbil's cage and placed it on his desk.

"_You're so CUTE Mr. Cheekums!" _Gideon was petting the gerbil and laughing adorably.

"OKAY." Gideon snapped out of it. "Now…" He took the glass vial out of his pocket and unscrewed the cap. He poured all of it into the gerbil's water bottle, as Cheekums began drinking it.

Gideon's face grew more and more excited. Soon the bottle was empty and Gideon was smiling. The gerbil looked around and then at Gideon, without saying a word.

"Cheekums?" Gideon said sympathetically.

A slow, low pitched voice came out of the animal, "Huhh?"

Gideon clasped his hands together and shook them at the ceiling in rejoice.

"Glory I can't conTAIN myself!" Gideon slammed his hands on the table, and shook everything on it, and nonchalantly continued in a serious tone, "Okay, Cheekums, I know this might be a lot to ask o' you, but…" Gideon's smile came back, "Could you… tell me the secrets of the universe…?" Gideon put on his cute face to instigate an answer.

"Huhh?"

"You know," Gideon rambled, counting with his fingers "ultimate power, unlimited knowledge, that sort o' thing?"

Cheekums looked at Gideon with no expression whatsoever.

After a bit of awkward silence the gerbil spoke again, "…Huhh?"

Gideon was getting a little angry and directing it all towards the gerbil. He slammed the table again on purpose.

_"THE SECRETS OF THE UNIVERSE! TELL ME!"_

The gerbil thought about it for a second, "Uhhh… "

Gideon was getting madder and madder.

Cheekums was thinking hard, "Uhhh… baby?"

"NO IT'S NOT A BABY!" Gideon threw the glass vial against the wall and broke it. He rubbed his forehead and sighed.

Gideon was angrily confused, "The book said that gerbils were the smartest animals in the universe! I don't get it!" Gideon calmed down a little, and looked through his journal.

"Right here!" Gideon pointed to the text, "'Gerbils are existence's smartest, most intelligent creatures, and if they were able to talk, the secrets of the universe would be known everywhere.' Why isn't Cheekums talking though…?" Gideon flipped to the next page, and looked at the text, "But none of them actually want to talk because they're too lazy to articulate a word... What?!" Gideon sighed and looked down.

"Aww Cheekums… I can't stay mad at you…" Gideon started petting the gerbil happily.

"BUT I CAN STAY MAD AT THE PINES FAMILY!" Gideon slammed the table again and clenched his fist.

"I WILL GET YOU ONE DAY! I WILL GET YOUUUUUUUUUU!"

* * *

_*So basically Gideon isn't a threat. Yet.*_

_:3_


	5. Chapter 5

Waddles can Talk? Chapter 5

Bill laughed uncontrollably at Mabel's reaction. "HAHAHA! Works every time!"

Mabel finally asked, "…why?"

He replied, still trying to contain himself, "You didn't actually think I would let the pig talk, did you?"

"Uh, no" Dipper said, approaching the pig, "but why'd you do _this?_"

"Hehehe," Biddles chuckled, "that's for me to know and you to eventually find out after I do it." Without another word, Bill ran away, knocking into everything. He hasn't possessed a body in ages, let alone a pig's.

"After him!" Dipper shouted as the group immediately started chasing him.

"It's okay dudes." Soos said while running, "I was in that pig's body once, and he can only run for about another ten seconds!"

"Really? Wow." Dipper said. Soon after, Bill began slowing down, and the others started to catch up with him. Bill spoke to himself in exhaustion,

"Wow… Pig legs… aren't the best mode of transportation… for me…"He almost came to a stop, when he leaped on to a passing pickup truck. He struggled to speak through his frantic panting, "…HA!" He tauntingly pointed at the group who slowly lost track of the truck as it drove further and further away.

They stopped running and looked at the truck in the distance, as Dipper spoke with excitement, "I think he's heading for the mountain pass!" Dipper pointed to the two, massive plateaus that bordered the town and had a railroad track in between them.

"How are we gonna get there?" Wendy incredulously asked.

Dipper looked around to see if he could a solution to the problem, and he found an entirely indifferent downtown area. He looked to his left, and they were coincidentally right in front of a motorcycle &amp; bike rental store.

"There!" Dipper pointed to the entrance. They ran in and ran out with two motorcycles and started putting on their helmets. Soos and Mabel got on to one and Wendy on to the other. Dipper wasn't moving.

Mabel looked at Dipper inquisitively, "Dipper! Let's go! What's wrong?"

Dipper stood there and awkwardly looked at Wendy who was reaching out her hand for Dipper to get on.

"Uhh… Can't I just get a bike?" Dipper pleaded.

"That's not fast enough! Let's just go!" Mabel was irritated.

Dipper sighed, and reluctantly got on to the motorcycle with Wendy. He awkwardly wrapped his arms around her waist as she started the motorcycle.

As the store owner burst out of the door saying, "You gotta pay for those!", they sped off and before long they were driving up a gradual hill toward the pass. Eventually, they came up on the truck as Biddles turned around and saw them driving motorcycles.

"AH!" Bill was startled. He looked at them cutely and said, while waving his hoof, "Hi!"

"I'M GONNA GET YOU!" Mabel shouted.

"Oh I am _so _scared." Bill said, expressionless.

Mabel grunted in determination and spoke to Soos, "SOOS! GET ME CLOSER!"

"Ow! You don't have to yell so loud!" Soos replied, "Hehe, I'll get you closer though don't worry dude." Soos leaned the motorbike towards the truck, and they were right next to each other. Mabel stood up to confront the pig.

"Oh, _no ya don't!"_ Bill reached down behind him and grabbed a bunch of pillows.

Mabel gasped, "HE'S GOT PILLOWS! WATCH OUT SOOS!"

Wabill started tossing the pillows at Soos, and he expertly dodged them. Bill threw one directly at his face, and it hit the target, thus blinding Soos.

"AHH!" He shouted as he frantically tried to drive straight. "I'M GOIN' DOWN DUDE!" Mabel struggled to balance on the motorcycle. Soos shouted, "YOU GOTTA JUMP, DUDE!" In extreme confusion and adrenaline, Mabel daringly leaped on to the truck as Soos skidded to a stop on the side of the road. Mabel arrived on the edge of the trunk. She wobbled back and forth a little, but finally regained her balance. Bill simply stood still, unimpressed.

"What, you want a medal?"

"I want Waddles back!" Mabel spoke, dignified.

"Oh, okay. Well that's not gonna happen, but I guess you can try."

Mabel sprang toward the possessed pig as it slyly dodged her attack.

Bill said tauntingly, "Missed me!"

Mabel said, annoyed, "Oh, shut up!"

Their fight continued as Dipper and Wendy watched closely. The truck was closing in on the top of the mountain pass and they were nearing a dead end.

_"What is Bill doing…?" _Dipper pondered.

In a flurry of hectic wrestling, Bill looked out at the road and saw that they were coming close to the tip mountain pass. He narrowed his eyes toward the very top of the plateaus and the giant gap between them.

Just as the truck drove by the diverging road toward the pass, Bill spoke with a smile on his face,

"That's my cue!"

Mabel was confused, "Wait, what?"

Suddenly Bill leaped off of the right of the truck and tumbled on the floor. He frantically recovered and began sprinting toward the tip of the mountain. Wendy immediately veered over to Bill, as Mabel jumped on her motorcycle behind Dipper. They caught up with him as he was nearing the edge of the mountain.

"What is he-" Dipper began, "NO! STOP!" Dipper, Wendy and Mabel got off of the motorcycle and started sprinting toward Waddles.

Mabel pleaded, "DON'T JUMP!" Biddles was running as fast he could. Just as the group leaped for Him in unison and missed, he looked back and smiled, right before leaping off of the cliff.

They sat on the ground in terror, trying to comprehend what had just happened. Mabel was the first to react, for she started to cry on the spot. Dipper and Wendy sat still in horrible silence, as they processed what had just transpired.

Dipper eventually spoke, sympathetically, "I- I'm sorry Mabel."

Mabel didn't reply, but instead just sat still on the ground. It was terrible. All their effort was for nothing, and her pet had just died because of it.

Or so you would think. Suddenly, Bill's voice was heard coming up from below, saying,

"Huh? What!? Stop! No! GO DOWN!" As they all watched in confused happiness, Biddles levitated back to the top of the mountain. The group was speechless.

Bill was dropped by the mysterious force and he plopped on the ground. He angrily jumped off again, but it didn't work; he just floated back up again. Bill kept jumping off and soon the force wouldn't even let him do that-it would just push him back every time he tried getting close to the tip.

"Um," Mabel began, "You're not doing that on purpose, are you?" They all slowly got up from off of the ground.

Bill angrily replied, "No! I don't know what's happening!"

Mabel scratched her chin, "…Do that again."

Bill dived off of the cliff and just got pushed back again.

Dipper also scratched his chin, "Hm…" He picked up a nearby stick and threw it. Instead, this time it didn't come back.

Bill, who was now also thinking deeply, "Hm… I think-"

Bill was interrupted by Soos who came running from behind, and panting like crazy. He shouted from the distance,

"WAIT FOR ME… DUDES!" Soos eventually reached the group, and he took a second to collect himself. He finally spoke after he recovered from his heavy breathing,

"What'd I miss?" Soos studied the groups faces.

Bill angrily resumed, "I _think_," He spoke dramatically, "that Waddles… is _IMMORTAL_."

Everyone gasped. Bill said bluntly, "I mean he might not be though, I dunno."

"Well…" Dipper started, "You're goal was to get rid of Waddles, right?"

Wabill looked at him with contempt, shaking his head to get the point across, "Yeah, I think we've established that."

"Okay… then…" Dipper said. Mabel finished, "How are you gonna do that now?"

Bill replied, "Well, the pig's not dying, and I'm not letting Waddles get back into his body, 'cause he'll just tell you everything, so…" He smiled sarcastically, "It looks like I'm gonna be staying with _you guys_ _for a while…_"

Dipper and Mabel's jaw dropped, as well as the others'. I guess… Bill is going to be living with the Pines family until either Waddles can come back, or when Bill doesn't need to keep secrets anymore (Whenever that will be).


End file.
